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It is late-summer, almost the end of August. There is much in my garden that is vibrant—those rose bushes that have decided to put on a dramatic show this year, the bee balm in full flower and drawing hummers from every corner. The Kentucky Runners dangling their tender bean pods. But as I walk around my garden I see everything that has already bloomed. While there is so much good weather left to experience—here in Portland we can expect the pleasant weather to last well into October-- so much has passed, not to come again this year.
As with almost everything, I see an allegory to our clientele at In Your Home. So many people we work for have much good time left despite the fact that so much of bloom of their life has faded. The difference is that when I look at the spent blooms of my garden, I naturally think about next year. What do I want to move or propagate to extend the blooming season? What do I want to give something better conditions so it can really flower. Where are there holes to fill in the border or overcrowded beds to thin. There always another chance that another spring and summer provides.
But we humans aren’t a garden. We talk about the seasons of our life, but as I see it we are not a plant, but ourselves a garden that has one long “growing season.” Just like the garden in spring is different than the garden in late summer, if we live well, we can flower repeatedly with different blooms fitting each of our stages in life. Yet in the end, if we are honest, we know we have but one season that slips away toward that cold winter soil.
So, how do we provide the conditions that will make these lifelong season one that is as nurturing and fertile as possible? As always, I find, the garden has some inspirations:
- Don’t be afraid to transplant. Uprooting and moving can be the right decision for many plants. We humans tend to be unique, enjoying changes in our environment at different times. We can fix up a house and sell it and move on to a new experience—aging in place need not mean being trapped in the same ol’ structure, it is aging independently and in community. As with a garden, certain times are better than others to transplant—leaving it too late or under the wrong conditions can mean your success is compromised.
- Tend and till. A home, like a garden, only prospers if tended. A light hand at tending, perhaps, but tending none-the-less. If we don’t take care of our home, it will be eaten by mold, nibbled at by destructive creatures, and generally lose its vibrancy due to lack of care.
- Acknowledge what does not work. Trying to get in and out of a tub shower has about as much likelihood of success as growing lavender in a bog. It may work for a few seasons if we work hard and catch good luck from the weather, but eventually the rot occurs. Better to plant (or build) what will work for the long term with minimum care.
If I think now about how I want my garden to be next year, I have a chance to make those changes and enjoy something better next year. Even if it does not work, the vibrancy of spring will mask my mistakes. But there is no spring vibrancy for us poor aging humans—so if I think now about how I want my own life to be, I can make the changes and start to appreciate them tomorrow. There is little point in waiting.
Mark Hager at ageinplace.com is fielding a survey targeting business people who are focused on the AIP movement. Sponsored by SRES (Senior Real Estate Specialists). A number of us in the community provided input.It you are such a business, please take a moment to complete the survey.http://www.ageinplacepros.com/about/aging-in-place-projects/2009-aging-in-place-business-survey/
This product made its way through my e-mail scanners--I rarely pay attention to those messages, but this appears to be another product coming over from the UK/Europe where product design for bathing accessibility seems to be ahead of what we have over here. It is a full body dryer, making it easier for someone to dry off after a shower without bending or assistance. The claim is that cost to operate is about the same as laundering towels--suppose that depends on how often you wash your towels tho.
Can't vouch for how well it works yet, but seems an ideal product for lots of folks.
http://www.tornadobodydryer.com/featuresandfaqs.html
Reading the press coverage of The (British) Open this morning after, the sports writers and pundits are showing the ugly head of ageism right and left. Their reports are rife with phase like “his tired old bones,” “his age finally showed,” and even “old geezer.” Never mind that other players of much younger ages have blown final round leads of greater margins with poorer play. Never mind that leading The Open, or any other major tournament, on all four days is a seldom achieved event. Never mind that a certain great player of the day never even made the cut. And never mind that there is a whole cadre of golfers Watson’s age who play professionally week in and week out. I’m sorry, but playing 22 holes of golf is not beyond a fit 59 year old’s ability, and especially not a great athlete like we saw this weekend.
Sure, there are not many times when a professional athlete past their thirties plays at the top of their sport. Certainly age catches up with us. But to say that the only reason that Tom Watson lost was because he is “old” just shows how far we have yet to go before we treat age fairly, practically and without bias. Nothing was a more insidious reflection of this than the two announcers saying that it was nice Cink had won because he is young, and that if Tom had won, it would not have changed his life. Meaning: he’s just a washed up old man with not much life left. Wasn't it nice he got out for a good walk. Of course it would have changed his life. He would have been remembered for doing what no one else had done, to seal that image he thirsts for still—to be remember as a truly great golfer. Achievements change our lives every day until we die. To say they don’t knocks the legs out from anyone who tries to live the latter years of their life with dignity, grace and purpose.
Of course, the apologists trot out the adage “age is just a number” which is just as idiotic as saying that Watson lost because of his age. Age is much more than a number. It's a reality, baby. It is a reality that each of us chooses to handle in our own way. Some of us retire to an easy chair, adding to our girth and our medical problems. Some of us become demoralized and withdraw. And some of us choose to adapt and keep doing what we love to do, as best we can. Racings cars, gardening, climbing mountains, cooking, running companies, writing, travelling, etc. We retrofit our bodies and our homes and keep living as we want to.
Tom Watson has adapted. He has had joint replacement. He has stayed fit. He has adapted his game and the courses he plays—links style golf suits him well, whereas by his own admission he hates the Masters because the course does not suit his game and he feels like an honorary golfer rather than a contender.
Adaptation is the key to aging well and Tom Watson has given us a rare glimpse into how it can work. He played extremely well for someone of any age. I won’t say that what Watson did was a great thing and he should feel good about it even though he lost. Sure, it was a great thing, no doubt. But losing is going to, in his words, tear at his gut. To say that he should be proud anyway is patronizing and ageist. I like Jack Nicklaus’s explanation that it wasn't age or being tired,but that missing the putt on 18, missing the chance to seize the Claret Jug then and there, very likely took the wind out of his sales and he didn’t recover from that. It’s the same thing that happens to many people in all sorts of situations and all walks of life. But it is part of choosing to live a rich life. Age does not defeat us as much as not caring, not engaging, and also not being realistic does.
And to say that he lost because of his age is not only a great disservice to Tom, it is a disservice to Stewart Cink, who won not because Tom is “old”, but because Cink fought back, gave himself a chance, and had the drive to treat Tom as an equal and a bona fide contender and do what he needed to slam the door on Watson’s chances to take another title. While I’m sure some thoughts about Tom’s stature and age crossed his mind, Cink was one person on the course who was not looking through the lens of ageism—he just competed. Any class of people who are not treated as equal suffers, and that applies to those who have a few years on the rest of us as well as anyone.
Cink’s competitiveness underscores the point that Watson has done a better job than most of adapting and staying fit and keeping motivated by what he loves. The more we all deal with our age in a manner that reflects Watson’s drive and spirit, the better off we all will be. Our company helps people every day who are doing the same in much smaller and less public ways, and it is a joy to see.
Ageism endeavors to make us less than we are. The sooner we see the back side of it, the better. How widespread it was this weekend was a sad state of affairs.
"My home does not hold anybody out." For some reason I had not come across this video from AARP before. I have to complement the team, it is a very nicely done video that really hits the key points. But I especially like the focus on visitability. If we are looking to create the optimal environment for aging in place, we have to remember our needs to socialize and maintain friendships. Socialization is critical for our emotional well being. Making it so our friends and family can visit is just as important in the long run as making it easier for me to do my ADLs so that I feel good about going out in the world. Hopefully we will continue to see more and more attention paid to visitablity by new home builders. In the mean time, companies like In Your Home regularly help people make their own homes better suited to this need.
The video is at http://tinyurl.com/nlpklj
